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Stop Smoking For Good.net Home | About Me | FAQ | Contact Me | How To Quit Smoking Articles How Can I Help Someone To Stop Smoking?This is a question I get asked quite often! I´m asked by former clients, friends, acquaintances, in emails and forums and by the every day people I meet, but hardly ever by a smoker! So what do I say when someone asks me how can I help someone to stop Smoking? I always give the same answer, no one can make or help someone to stop smoking, unless the smoker really wants to stop! It may sound simple and straight forward enough, but ask any smoker how they feel when you try to get them to quit. And 99% of the time they will say something like ´it makes me want to smoke more!´ or ´I just want to kill them!´ or ´I know they mean well, but it just puts even more pressure on me and makes it harder to quit´. Typically when friends, partners or family try to get someone they love to quit smoking, they try to use scare tactics. Like quoting the number of smoking related deaths each year, or describing all the diseases smokers are likely to get, like bronchitis or emphysema. What you may not realise is that smokers know about the health issues, and they just don´t care! And even if your friend wants to quit, using the severity of the health problems to motivate them is often still not enough to help them quit. So going on about the health issues will get your friend frustrated with you, and your facts and figures, and they´ll want to smoke more with this undue and uncalled for anxiety - one of the main reasons for smoking. Through my years of helping clients and friends I´ve found that telling smokers about the health issues involved in smoking is as effective as talking to a wall, smokers just don´t care. But if used tactfully and correctly and combined with several other strategies, the health issues involved in smoking can help a smoker who truly wants to quit. I�ll discuss more on that in a minute. But you´re still asking - How can I help someone to stop smoking?And I can honestly say the truth is that it is very difficult to help or get other people to stop smoking, no matter how much you love and care for them. But it can be done. The first thing you should do is find out if they want to stop smoking. The answer to this question will decide your approach. As we´ve discovered telling a smoker who doesn´t want to quit that they will die will only end in a big argument, and their determination to continue smoking will grow. Before we go into the two approaches, you should remember that you should be open to your friend about what you are doing, don�t try to be subtle or tricky in any way � they will see right through you! So be open and let them know that you would like to help, and be aware that this still may not be enough. I personally have been in a relationship with a smoker. I tried to help her quit (when I was still learning how to help people quit smoking) and we always ended up arguing. You have to know how they will react to different things and be aware that most smokers are almost always on edge because of the effects of nicotine. So be prepared for stubbornness and irrational behaviour. And at the end of the day, consider how you would feel if someone tried to make you stop doing something you really enjoyed or just couldn´t give up. What would work best for you? Often what works for you will work for them! And also remember that people react differently to different things and techniques, so don´t try something you know will not work and try to anticipate their response before you try any of the strategies below. Another important point to remember is that two of the best tools at your disposal are a.) fear and b.) desire. If you can incorporate the strategies below and maximise your smoker friend´s fear of what they will lose if they don´t quit (years of their own life, seeing their children / grandchildren growing up etc.) you will have a higher success rate. And if you can help them increase their desire for better health, a new car, more money a brighter future and more time with their family or you, you will reach even higher degrees of success. Using emotions is a tried and tested way to implement change, but remember their wishes and happiness is very important. The Two Approaches 1. Helping Someone Who Doesn´t Want To Quit Helping Someone Who Doesn´t Want To Quit Let´s say your partner smokes and knows you don´t like it but doesn´t want to quit. I know of three approaches. Firstly you can try to show them photos of smokers´ lungs, heart, veins and arteries and the damage that smoke does to their body. You can let them know that each year they fill their lungs with about a cup full of tar and that there are in excess of 4,700 chemicals in each cigarette and 48 of them are poisonous. You can describe in detail the damage they are doing to themselves and the damage they are doing to those around them. You can find all sorts of pieces of information that will open their eyes up to what they are really doing to themselves. Many smokers know the diseases that are brought on by smoking, but they don´t know how they affect their body and they don´t know that the health effects of smoking are far greater than those from being slightly overweight. If you can show smokers real life images of the effects of smoking and help them see that it is not just them they are damaging � it´s their children, lifestyle, family and you, you may be able to help them flick that switch that says: Smoking was a thing of the past for me, now I´m going to live a healthier, happier and brighter future. Secondly, you can take up smoking yourself. This will only work on some people so be weary of trying this technique. The idea is to get them to see how it feels to see someone they love hurt themselves willingly and not care about what anyone else feels. If this doesn´t work, stop. You don´t want to get hooked yourself! And thirdly, I heard of a man who for a few weeks tried this technique. Every time his girlfriend bought a pack of cigarettes, he threw the same amount of money down the drain and made sure that she saw him do it. She obviously asked him what he was doing and he replied, ´I´m doing the same you are when you buy a pack of cigarettes´ throwing my money away.´ After a while she said that what he was doing was pointless because she enjoyed smoking. His answer was smart and pre-prepared. ´At least my way isn´t killing anyone.´ A hurtful comment, but it flicked a switch in her mind and she began to see what she was doing and eventually she quit. This took a lot of determination on the man´s part. He ensured that the money was completely wasted, as it was not given to charity or put in a waste bin where it could be found and used, but he threw it away completely and wasted it. Eventually, the woman caring for her boyfriend saw her behaviour and packed smoking in. This is an approach you can take, but you will need determination and will power to continuously throw your money away in the hope that they will realise how they throw away about $2,000 a year (for a pack a day smoker). If these three techniques fail or do not interest you, then figure out your own approach. But remember to capitalise and use their emotions of fear and desire. Generally speaking, fear is much stronger than desire. For example, imagine you´ve just spent the last ten years of your life working really, really hard and had managed to save up $50,000. What would motivate you more: the desire to make another $50,000? Or the fear that you could lose those hard earned $50,000? 99.9% of the time your fear of losing your $50,000 will be much, much greater than your desire to make another $50,000. So use their fears creatively to help them stop smoking. Helping Someone Who Wants To Quit When a smoker wants to quit your task is a lot easier, but you still have your work cut out for you! Don´t forget there are millions of smokers out there who want to quit but just can´t! Your efforts and support will help, but only if you have the right tools at your disposal. If you let your friend know that you want to help, they will probably be grateful and will accept your ideas. But be careful that you do not cloud them with tons of ideas and, again ask yourself how would you feel if you were drowned in a pile of papers, ideas and strategies and tips? You�d probably get really stressed out! I would get them to do a few key things: 1. Help them understand the fear and emotion factor I described above, and help them to make the most of it. For example, you could help them cement the fear in their head that they will miss out on their children´s upbringing (and your job will be harder if you are the one that will be bringing them up instead) while guiding them to increase their desire for a new car, which they can use to go on camping trips with their kids. This is a simple idea but many more can be thought of with a little effort. 2. Help them figure out the things that make them smoke. I call these The Reasons For Smoking, and they include stress, boredom, anxiety, enjoyment, habit, routine, people, places, events and situations and they are not the same for every smoker. When they´ve discovered these help them to get those same pleasures or ease those feelings or get those benefits from somewhere and something else. Maybe a new hobby or two, a new sport and new habits and routines. 3. Help them see that nicotine patches and any form of nicotine replacement therapy will almost certainly fail. Nicotine patches, gums, inhalers and lozenges etc. keep nicotine in their system, this just prolongs the amount of time they suffer withdrawal symptoms and keeps them hooked on something else. The best thing is a clean break. 4. Get them to seek additional help. Whether that be another friend who smokes, who they can share their problems and successes with, some advanced info on how smoking affects them mentally more than physically or help from a hypnotherapist. 5. Help your smoker friend realise that he or she can still enjoy life without cigarettes! They did it before they smoked and millions do it every day. So there is no reason why they can´t when they�ve stopped smoking. 6. Let them know that they are not ´giving up´ anything, and help them get out of the approach that says I´m quitting or giving up´. When your smoker friend thinks like this he or she will concentrate on cigarettes, the one thing that they can´t have! Get them to look at the things they are gaining no the things they are losing out on! So the answer to the question: How can I help someone to stop smoking?, is: Ask yourself how would you feel if someone asked you to stop doing something you�d been doing for years. Find out if they want to quit. And then apply the strategies above to help motivate them using the emotions of fear and desire. If you manage to combine the above tips with some expert advice and help your smoker friend re-take control of their life, they will forever be grateful and their job stopping smoking will be much easier. 
Daniel Fargher
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